Friday, September 21, 2012

Love & Respect

My world has been rocked in the last few days.

Not from a song.
Or a news story.
Or a new outfit (let's be honest, sometimes new outfits have that power)

But a book.

Now, I promise I'm not usually the type to be "changed" by a book.  I normally read things with a grain of salt, especially if they are promising me something. "30 days to a better marriage", "25 days to your dream body"...bla bla bla.

But I picked this particular book up not out of new curiosity, but out of years of mulling over an idea I read in another book in college.

Did I just really confuse you?

Ok well the other book is called "For women only, what you need to know about the inner lives of men". The first chapter is about respect, and yesterday morning after a sleepless night I felt compelled to pick it up and read it again.  Now, the first chapter mentions said life changing book 3 or 4 times, which sparked my curiosity.

So I did what I do best and googled this other book.

And suddenly a revelation.

I had passed and picked up this book multiple times before, but decided that it wasn't my time to read it.

Well, now it was time. 

I found a comfy spot in the B&N cafe and started reading. And while there was conviction and revelation about some of the ugly stuff in my heart towards my husband (it was stuff that has been there for a long time, not just two weeks), there was a TON of hope. So much hope I got through the first half of the book in one sitting.

It talks about the age old struggle between men and women and how they communicate. Women aren't getting enough love and men aren't getting heard it, respect.  What surprised me most is that most men can't articulate their need for respect, but once they heard this idea they suddenly said "yes, that's exactly what it is". It talks about how men shut down during arguments because of how disrespected they feel, but that women don't even know they're disrespecting their men! The hardest part is that most of the disrespect and unloving behavior that goes on between men and women is unintentional, because men and women perceive actions and words through completely different lenses and hearing aids.

If women expect unconditional love from their husbands, then husbands have the same right to expect unconditional respect from their wives.

That hit me like a ton of bricks. That takes my ugly, it's all about me attitude and sin and throws it out the window.

Basically, if you are married or in a serious relationship I HIGHLY suggest this book. I might bug you about it until you read it.

Next on my reading list is Mark & Grace Driscoll's "Real Marriage" -- I'm already anticipating a huge smack in the face from that one, so I'll let you know when we get there :)

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