Portland Road Trip

Our little family recently made an epic road trip north to Portland. 

It was quite the adventure indeed. 

My best friend Mel got married past Sunday, and since I was the matron of honor there were quite a few events that I had to be present for! We thought it best to drive up there so we had our car, and weren't limited to the stuff that we could bring. 

We set out Wednesday morning, making it halfway to Medford, Oregon for the night.

I didn't totally think through the one room situation with a baby. 

You see, Felix goes to sleep at 7 -- and is a very light sleeper, so we were forced to watch the tv on mute until we went to sleep. Luckily we were all pretty tired so we ended up going to be early! 

The drive was beautiful, though boring. Driving in one straight line up I-5 for 700 miles can make you want to rip your hair out pretty fast. Good thing Seth and I decided to read a book on tape for the drive, we chose "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter". The book kept our minds busy through the long patches of unexciting landscape. 

We got up early the next morning and headed north. We needed to be in Portland in time for me to get ready to go to the bachelorette party that evening.

We made pretty good time and got to Hillsboro, where Ashley lives and we stayed, around 2. 

We got the boys settled and left shortly after. 

Sidenote: have you ever sat in Portland traffic?

It is AWFUL. Dare I say worse that LA? 

It took me 2 hours to go 15 miles to Mels house just north of Portland in Vancouver, WA.

CRA-ZAY. 

The rest of the night was spent celebrating with the awesome bride and bridesmaids. 

"mood lighting" 

The next day we relaxed until we had to head north again for a nail appointment and BBQ.

Cue cursing about traffic.

We sat for a long time in traffic, and then Ash says "umm Jamie...Felix pooped".

And I think, "ok, nothing too out of the ordinary"

And then, "JAMIE, It's coming out of his pants, its on the seat, I need wipes, WEAR ARE THE WIPES."

Blowouts in rush our traffic on the freeway are FUN. We pulled over, on the side of a bridge in Portland and had to change the poopy little dude. 

And we were very late for nails.

And of course Felix hadn't napped so he promptly had a meltdown. 

This was not my favorite day. 

That was how we kept Felix entertained at the nail salon until Seth came back.

We wanted, so much, to go the BBQ that Mel and Jeff were hosting that night at their new house but it was almost impossible. 

My mom was flying in that night too and wanted to see Felix, so we decided to head back to her hotel in Hillsboro and just have a quiet night to ourselves without Felix.

Seth and I got the chance to go out to a nice dinner, visit a funky Portland brewery, and get Voodoo donuts.
The unexpected date night definitely made up for the interesting day. 

The next day, Saturday, was the rehersal and following luncheon. 

I definitely cried in the rehearsal more than I did the wedding. 

It is so overwhelming to see your best friend walking down the isle. 

Melissa and I also happened to accidentally match that day, oops!

Saturday evening Ashley's fiancee, Steve, had a game in downtown Portland. He plays for the MLS Portland Timbers. I had never been to an MLS game before and it was so exciting. Sports fans in the Pacific North West are diehard. I did not expect such spirit and noise. It was honestly one of the most fun sporting events I've ever been to, besides hockey of course. 

After meeting some of the players after the game, we headed home -- hopefully to get enough sleep before the wedding.

My mom had Felix again that night which was great, though I missed him so much.

I went over to her hotel early in the morning to visit.

Ash and I had to leave early to get our hair done so we could be on time for everything.

We wrote speeches in the hair salon and shared them with eachother -- trying to get through without tears. 

We got to the venue at 11:30 and walked upstairs to wear all the wedding party was getting ready.

Mel was only half way through her makeup and hair but she was honestly the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. After opening our bridesmaids gifts, matching earings and necklaces for all of the maids, we helped Mel into her dress so she and Jeff could go and have their "first look". 

Seth, my Mom, and Felix arrived shortly after. 

I had the boys in matching outfits for the wedding and they couldn't have been any cuter. 

We were confined to the getting ready room for the last half hour before the wedding started. We kept the flower girl and ring bearer busy with spiderman. How cute are they?!

The ceremony was perfect.

It was a scorching 95 degrees, but luckily we werent out there for too long!

The reception was held in an air conditioned tent next to where the ceremony was held. 

Jeff and Felix really hit it off!

And Felix loved Mel. He was jumping and drooling all over her!

Felix also made friends with the ring bearer. It's so fun to see him interacting with other kids!

The night ended early and we all headed home. Knowing that we were going to be driving a lot the next day I mentally prepared myself for all the packing I needed to do. 

We left around 9 the next day. 

Our first stop was in Madras, Oregon to see my old babysitter and friend, Tanya.

We drove through beautiful Mount Hood and through the central Oregon high desert. The Oregon landscape is so interesting!

After Madras, we made our way down to Crater Lake.

Neither of us had ever been there before so we were both looking forward to it.

Crater Lake did not dissapoint. It was truly an incredible place to see.

It started raining shortly after we arrived, which was kind of sad -- but the clouds made the landscape more beautiful that I could have imagined. 

Even though the drive was a lot longer than we thought, it was so worth stopping. 

After Crater Lake, we drove to our hotel in Klamath Falls. We were all exhausted to we settled in for the night and slept really well. Felix slept all the way until 7 am that night, and sure enough he had a tooth pop through in the morning!

On the last day of our trip we were all so tired, Felix was out of onesies, and we wanted to be home so badly! We drove past the beautiful Mount Shasta, stopped in Weed, and jetted home.

We set out around 8:15 and made it home around 5. 

The trip was wonderfully exhausting.

I think today is the first day I feel back to normal. 

Travelling with a baby is not for the faint of heart, it definitely requires super human patience and expecting the unexpected. 

I think I'm content to stay home for the next few months.

The Lovie Story

The first thing I bought for Felix was this small lovie blanket.

It has whales in different colors and is a very soft material.

I was only 20 weeks pregnant, and at a birth and baby show feeling completely overwhelmed by everything I saw around me.

Breastpumps, carriers, swings, strollers, food, toys...I really had no idea what I was getting myself in to.

The intimidation that first time parents feel before their baby arrives is huge. 

But, when I saw this little lovie blanket, I knew that whoever this little boy was inside of me, he needed it. 

It was my first gift to my boy. 

It was special. 

Special because of how special I knew he was, and because the bond between a mother and her unborn baby is inexplicably special. 

Maybe it's the official acknowledgement of your love and care for them. It may have been my first realization of many, that "OMG I'm actually having a baby." I had a lot of those moments throughout my pregnancy -- and here he is almost 6 months old and I still think "OMG, I actually have a 6 month old".

Maybe it's all of those emotions swimming around inside of your heart that makes every small event having to do with your unborn child extra sweet and gushy and teary. But that lovie was safely placed by his crib until the day he was born. I never put it away anywhere that I could forget about (that happens all too often), it's like it was my special reminder that my sweet little boy would soon be here.

I waited patiently for Felix to be old enough to acknowledge this little lovie. You have to wait until he is grasping and noticing things like that. And of course you hear what the proverbial "they" say in the back of your mind, "nothing in the crib but the baby"... but sometimes mothers intuition trumps "they". Felix slept swaddled at every nap and through the night until he was about 5 months old. He was much too busy to have the freedom of movement of his arms! I still kept the lovie close to him, though -- still waiting for the right time.

When the sleep regression hit and my sanity flew out the window with it, I was left searching for options on how to get my poor child to sleep again. We started with a new wombie swaddle blanket, which keeps him zipped up tight, with one arm out and one arm in. We took the pacifier away, probably the best decision we ever made. After we took it, he was magically able to fall asleep on his own. And finally, we gave him that lovie blanket to hold, rub, and wave around as he fell asleep.

This was before the woombie blanket arrived and we took the paci! 

And just like that, Felix fell in love with his lovie. He has an impossible time falling asleep without it. He squirms and screams when I lay him down for a nap but as soon as he feels his lovie in his hand or on his cheek, he calms down and closes his eyes. Half of the time he ends up with it covering his face, and I promptly remove it and put it in the crook of his arm.

Yesterday I learned the hard way not to wash the lovie before nap time. When I transferred the load into the dryer the lovie got left behind in the washing machine, and then the unthinkable happened -- the dryer broke. There was no way I was sending him for a nap with a wet blanket. 

Well as you can imagine, nap time was a nightmare. 

He actually wouldn't sleep at all without the darn thing.

Have I created a lovie monster?

Maybe. 

Thank goodness the wind was able to dry his lovie before bedtime, or else it may have been war. 

When he wakes up like this, happy as can be, I'm reminded of the journey we've been on.

From entering the scary world of babies and all the gear they come with, to having a thriving, happy 6 month old boy.

I'm reminded of how God meets us when we are at our weakest, and gives us something beautiful. He gives us something hard so He can give us strength. He walks us through the wilderness so we can see the joy that He has purposed for us. 

I'm so thankful for this special little boy. 

Bedtime wars and all.

Exciting Uncertainty

It's been a quiet few months around here. I've been processing a lot of hard things emotionally, and I have a few unfinished, unedited blog posts that will probably never leave the "draft" box. My heart has been heavy with a lot of anger, confusion, and sadness -- some might call it mommy blues, some might say it's depression, I just think of it as a season where I'm trying to figure out where God is in my "new" life. 

Motherhood has been incredibly isolating so far. Yes, the online communities like Baby Center and Instagram exist -- but the physical, face-to-face interactions are lacking. I have always thought of myself as an introvert, but I have found myself aching for more adult interaction. Without a place to vent and share I have found myself to be harboring a ton of negativity and anger. I've been angry that people made empty promises. I've been angry at the cat, for whatever reason when Felix was born my brain decided to be irritated with her all the time. I've been angry at our living situation, because I'm starting to feel cramped and some days I wish we didn't live so far south away from people. I've been angry at our church, for various situations -- which hasn't helped me find God any more swiftly. I really hate the phrase "just give it to God", because it is oh so easy to say, and oh so impossible to do. But I know that what I must do, it's to stop giving these things so much energy and to let God take care of my heart instead. My heart has been ruled by my anger and frustration and I'm ready, I think, to shake off the cobwebs and be renewed again. 

We are about to enter a season of exciting uncertainty. Seth graduates in two days and soon after he will be taking exams which, when passed, he will be able to secure a job. I'm excited about the possibilities of where we might land. Of course it depends on where he applies, but I'm actually excited to move out of Gilroy and see where God puts us. I'm nervous too, about his pay, and his health insurance, and having to be fully financially independent again. We have been so well taken care of by his family while he has been in school, and we are incredibly grateful for that.

I'm ready for change. I'm ready for what this new season has, uncertain as it may be. We have our beautiful boy, who is changing and growing every day, and a God who cares, and has a great plan for us. I've been thinking about a new blog name to reflect this season, and to really reflect the way that our lives together have shaped up so far. We'll see when I have time/energy to mae that change happen! 

Until then, here is a little Felix update:

We decided to take away the pacifier and it changed our lives. Felix now sleeps and naps on his own with minimal fussing. He learned how to roll over and is now working on sitting up. We are still undecided about the MRI scan, currently our thought is that if he will need it at some point, than we should do it now while it only costs $50 copay and we don't know what our insurance will be like in a few months. He has a modeling interview tomorrow in San Francisco, my thought it is that it would be a great way to start a college fund and to try something fun and new. I'll leave you with this sweet cheesy portrait of him for now!

-

Jamie

Felix Alexander: 4 Months

Dear Felix,

Today you are four months old.
You are 15 pounds and 7 ounces.
Seriously kid, you are ridiculously cute.

Yesterday you got your 4 month vaccinations.
You were a champ! You only cried for 30 seconds and went back to sleep in my arms.
I am such a proud mama.

I love the little person you are becoming.

Grabbing at your toes, grabbing at my hair, jumping in your jumper like a pro, blowing endless bubbles, it seems that each day you are doing something new. 

Your favorite thing is cooing and talking, you wake up in the middle of night just to talk to yourself.

I wish you'd keep those conversations until morning. 

You love your Dad, your grandparents, and your Mama like whoa. 

You love smiling at strangers, brightening each persons day as we walk through the grocery store. 

You think raspberries on your belly are funny, and giggle when Mama pushes your feet to your face. 

You are the happiest baby in the whole wide world.

This month was full of adventure. 

We carted you around to Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and to your Grandparents houses. 

You put up with your parents silliness very well.

Exhibit A

You've thankfully stopped peeing on your Mom so much.

But, you still spit up like it's going out of style.

I'm excited for you to grow out of that soon. 

Your hair has gotten a lot lighter, it is a light brown with blonde underneath -- I'm so happy you're not bald. Your big ol' head would get very cold without hair!

This month you learned how to fight naps like a ninja. 

Getting you to nap is nearly impossible on a good day. 

You've become so aware of your surroundings that closing your eyes would mean you have to miss out on too many fun things going on around you!

But when you do sleep, it is the sweetest sight. 

You also don't like waking up in strange, unfamiliar places. You scream your little head off until you figure out that you're in your moms arms and that everything is a-ok. 

You have officially grown out of your 3 month clothing, and now your 3-6 month clothing. No more gaping V-necks for you. 

I was holding off on the 9 month clothes simply out of denial that you are getting so big, but alas, I gave in. 

You have become a tummy time pro. I am so glad. I was worried about you being able to hold up that big noggin of yours. 

You also have rolled a few times from your belly to your back, the look of surprise on your face when it happens is pretty awesome. 

You also have tons of toys, and love to play with them. 

It's so fun to see you interact with them, mostly by sticking them right into your mouth. 

You love to stand.

Your little legs are getting very strong indeed.

I bet you will skip crawling all together and start walking early. 

Let's hold off on that for a while,

I'm not quite ready for you to be mobile yet. 

Last weekend we went on a trip to San Francisco as a family.

I know you wont remember much of it, but we definitely will.

I will remember how you fought sleep the entire day, spit up all over my shirt, and ate like a beast.

I will also remember that when Grandma offers to babysit for such adventures, we will say yes next time. 

In the next few weeks you and I will travel to Portland to visit Auntie Mel and Auntie Ashley. 

I can't wait for you to meet your Auntie Mel, she is a gem and your Mamas BFF. 

And you get to go to her wedding later this year, your very first wedding!

I wept as I read the book "On the Night You Were Born" to you the other night. 

I thought about the anticipation leading up to your arrival, and seeing your sweet face for the first time, and the overwhelming amount of love that floods my heart for you. 

I used to think that the saying "my heart could burst" was just a silly saying, but honestly, you make my heart so full I really think it could burst.

Your cheesy grin, your big brown eyes, your laugh...I never thought those little things could overwhelm my heart the way they do. 

So whenever you doubt just how special you are
And you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,
Listen for geese honking high in the sky.
(They’re singing a song to remember you by.)
Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo.
(It’s because they’ve been dancing all night for you!)
Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind.
(Listen closely…it’s whispering your name again!)
If the moon stays up until morning one day,
Or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,
Or a little bird sits at your window awhile,
It’s because they’re all hoping to see you smile…
For never before in story or rhyme
(not even once upon a time)
Has the world ever known a you, my friend,
And it never will, not ever again…

And finally, Felix, you really are the best.

Life has changed for the better with you in it.

Even though some days are hard, and your mama is having a rough time adjusting, you make everything worth it. 

I love you,

Mama.

Felix Alexander: 3 months

Dear Felix,

How in the heck are you three months old already?

I wish I could freeze time and keep you here in this smiling, easy, super fun stage of your little life. 

It is truly amazing to watch you grow, and you've grown leaps and bounds in the past few weeks. 

You are now in 6 month clothing. We don't know exactly how much you weigh since we don't go back to the doctor for another month. I'm guessing somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 pounds. 

You still have lots of nicknames. The ones I stick with most are Nugget, Bubbs, and Bubba. How we arrived at those I do not know. But you are my sweet little nugget. 

This month you became homies with Pooh. Finally. 

You also became the smiliest baby ever.

I'm convinced we have the happiest baby in the world. 

Cuteness like this should be illegal. 

This month you got a special visit from your Tia (Auntie) Ashley. 

She came all the way from Washington to see YOU on HER birthday, what a treat!

Because you did a lot of growing this month, that means you did a lot of sleeping.

Mama can't resist a picture of you dozing, heck you're dozing as I type this up. 

I recently discovered that you prefer to sleep on your side, which worries me because you are swaddled at night. I found that if you're overtired and fussy and I put you on your side, you are instantly calm and sleep comes soon. 

Oh, and you're still sleeping through the night like a champ. 9 hours of pure bliss. 

Let's hope your future brothers and sisters sleep just like you do, you'll teach them how...right?

Your mama struggled with your constant water fountain-esque spit up.

After getting new bottles, a formula mixing pitcher, and a dose of hopefulness, we finally settled on a special formula for spit up. How about that. Why it took me three months to try that formula....nobody knows. 

Now we are both a lot happier! Your spit up is now quite chunky, but it doesn't cover your clothes as much and happens way less often. 

It's a win-win. 

This month we learned to take selfies.

You also started to get pudgy. I'm really excited about this extra layer of fat you've got going on. 

We went to Grandma and Grandpas house for a weekend visit. 

I had to bathe your stinky self somehow, so we filled up the tub with just enough water for you to float in and you loved it..despite the look on your face. Mama might have made the water too hot. 

Your Mom and Dad now have a pretty good handle on you (for now atleast). You're becoming kind of predictable.

Eat, play, sleep, repeat.

or
Eat, sleep, play, repeat.

That happens about every 3 hours. Though you can't be awake for more than an hour and a half before you get super tired. 

When you get super tired you start to melt down.

Speaking of tired, you've become a somewhat sleep ninja. 

Gone are the days when you could nap on your own, I think it's because you get distracted so easily. You now need a quiet room, a paci, and a very comfortable position (aka Moms arms) in order to sleep. 

The day before you turned 12 weeks you hit a huge growth spurt.

You went from eating about 4.5 ounces at a time to packing away 6, no problem.

That doesn't sound like a lot, but we struggled to get you to eat the minimum of 24 ounces a day for a long time, and now you eat at least 30! 

You make the best faces. 

And that smile, it knocks me over. 

This week you started grasping objects on your own.

By the time you'll be able to read this you won't think thats a big deal at all, but it is! 

I'd prefer you to grasp toys.

But sometimes its your poop during a diaper change, your moms hair, or your tongue which makes you choke. Fun times. 

Oh, buddy.

I honestly didn't think my heart was capable of love like this. 

I couldn't imagine a more lovable, sweet baby. 

As much as I want to freeze time, I love watching you change and grow.

I love your squeals, giggles, and coos. 

I love the way you instantly light up when you see me. 

Being your mama is a delight.

You are fun, cheery, and so gosh darn cute. 

I sure do love you.

Every.single.part.

Love,

Mama.