I'm a planner. It's my way of coping, my way of living an anxiety free life.
When my plans go awry I get consumed with worry, doubt, and fear. Fear of the unknown, worrying about uncertain futures, and doubtful that things are going to all turn out ok.
I lived trapped somewhere in between a spontaneous and completely controlled life. The balance keeps me sane...but it traps me to the point where one step in either direction makes me crazy.
I suppose you'd like to know why I'm telling you all of this.
My plans went awry. Our plans went awry.
Not just little plans, but big life changing plans like moving away for college and starting our new life. The big plan that has been guiding our decision making for the past year.
The story goes like this:
The one and only prerequisite class Seth has to take in order for him to take ALL other classes is full for the summer and won't be available until next summer. And when I tried to get help from the administration in his department about the issue I pretty much got treated like Harry Potter in Umbridge's office. Totally helpless, no loophole, no way around it, and not to mention blamed for the problem at hand.
"Better luck next year" - The Man's words still cut like a knife.
We've only got a few options if the school in Sacramento doesn't work out...
a. We move to Sacramento - build a life and work full time and wait for Seth to get into the class he needs.
b. We move to SoCal or Out of State where there is another program for ATC.
c. We stay in the Bay Area...eventually still having to move for school though.
Slim pickins' right?
I could sit here and tell you what a sham the California Community College system is. I would tell you about the budget cuts and the class sizes and our great big plans to start a new life in Sacramento, and how in 5 days a tiny little class filled up ruining his chances of getting in.
I could shake my fist and yell at God for ruining "The Master Plan"...Because of course, I always have it all figured out much better than He does.
But a verse that I am only vaguely familiar with flashed like lightning in my brain only seconds after finding out the predicament.
Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Sweet relief. Oh how sweet are the Father's words.
Our plans wither away at His throne. Our feet walk in the direction that He designs and He goes before us as our guide.
And that brings more peace of mind than any 5-year-plan could accomplish.
I may not have complete peace in this moment (just being honest) -- but I know it's coming. I know that in His timing we will be taken care of and have a place to land on September 8th.
Seth and I trust God's plan for us, even though we don't know all the details. And I continually (need to) trust that God's plans are far better than my own.
In years to come, we will look back on this event as a blip on the radar.
Until then, I'll be memorizing this verse in every translation I can get my hands on.
