3: Reflections on Marriage

Every time I talk to my dear old Dad on the phone he asks the same question:

 How is married life, is it everything you imagined?

My answer is always the same, YES!

Well, I don't yell. But it's always a yes, a good kind of yes, I never hesitate so I wonder why he asks every time still.

It's actually better than what I imagined, so much better. But I'm starting to wonder if our society has tainted marriage to the point that we assume them to fail as soon as they begin?

I hate that mindset so much. Seth and I know instinctively that divorce isn't an option, failure is not an option for us.  If divorce weren't so easy to achieve would that make people more willing to work out their problems? Maybe not so much work on their problems, but submit to the fact that they are prideful and imperfect and that they need help, humility...grace.

And by the way, I love being married. This is the best "choice" I have made in my young life and I have no shame in saying that. 

In these past 3 months of marriage I've learned that marriage has everything to do with grace and nothing to do with me. Marriage has everything to do with Jesus and His bride, the Church -- and how that beautiful relationship reflects on my own relationship with Seth.

I cling to that daily, because every day I fail. Everyday we fail. But every day we point each other to the one who can't fail.

If you can figure that part out, it's easier to navigate the ups and downs. Easier, not necessarily easy. Easier to remain humble, easier to serve, easier to submit (there I said it!), easier to love, easier to respect.

Admittedly, we haven't hit many big bumps yet. We don't have years of life experience under our belt. But we do have our good God who we know placed us together, provides for us, comforts us, and has more grace for us than we could ever provide for each other. So were running with that, were putting our eggs in that basket.

Right now my biggest advice to dating couples:
1.WAIT - and you know what I mean by that. Just...WAIT.
2.READ - read up on some good wisdom about how men communicate and receive love, it makes fights a lot easier when you understand how the other person is feeling.
3. Be humble.

Happy 3 months, Seth. I love you more than I did on that day and that is so crazy to me. 

Love & Respect

My world has been rocked in the last few days.

Not from a song.
Or a news story.
Or a new outfit (let's be honest, sometimes new outfits have that power)

But a book.

Now, I promise I'm not usually the type to be "changed" by a book.  I normally read things with a grain of salt, especially if they are promising me something. "30 days to a better marriage", "25 days to your dream body"...bla bla bla.

But I picked this particular book up not out of new curiosity, but out of years of mulling over an idea I read in another book in college.

Did I just really confuse you?

Ok well the other book is called "For women only, what you need to know about the inner lives of men". The first chapter is about respect, and yesterday morning after a sleepless night I felt compelled to pick it up and read it again.  Now, the first chapter mentions said life changing book 3 or 4 times, which sparked my curiosity.

So I did what I do best and googled this other book.

And suddenly a revelation.

I had passed and picked up this book multiple times before, but decided that it wasn't my time to read it.

Well, now it was time. 

I found a comfy spot in the B&N cafe and started reading. And while there was conviction and revelation about some of the ugly stuff in my heart towards my husband (it was stuff that has been there for a long time, not just two weeks), there was a TON of hope. So much hope I got through the first half of the book in one sitting.

It talks about the age old struggle between men and women and how they communicate. Women aren't getting enough love and men aren't getting enough...you heard it, respect.  What surprised me most is that most men can't articulate their need for respect, but once they heard this idea they suddenly said "yes, that's exactly what it is". It talks about how men shut down during arguments because of how disrespected they feel, but that women don't even know they're disrespecting their men! The hardest part is that most of the disrespect and unloving behavior that goes on between men and women is unintentional, because men and women perceive actions and words through completely different lenses and hearing aids.

If women expect unconditional love from their husbands, then husbands have the same right to expect unconditional respect from their wives.

That hit me like a ton of bricks. That takes my ugly, it's all about me attitude and sin and throws it out the window.

Basically, if you are married or in a serious relationship I HIGHLY suggest this book. I might bug you about it until you read it.

Next on my reading list is Mark & Grace Driscoll's "Real Marriage" -- I'm already anticipating a huge smack in the face from that one, so I'll let you know when we get there :)

Marriage: We Give It Two Thumbs (way) Up

We're back!
And for the first time life isn't crazy and hectic, it's just plain wonderful.

Marriage rocks.
It's hard to explain the complexity of emotions and feelings, but we've been enjoying every minute of it.

We enjoy so much recounting the memories of the wedding. It went by so quickly and we each had different experiences, and every couple hours we say "holy crap, we're married!".

 I love some of the pictures that have been posted too! We are so lucky to live in the time of Instagram and Facebook. To have the tremendous support through these medias has been an incredible blessing to Seth and I.

We can't pick our favorite moment of the whole day, there are just too many. We are overwhelmed and overjoyed and just quite express enough gratitude.

Marriage: We give it two thumbs up.

Also, for those who asked where I got the Disney ears...I ordered them online and Seth had no idea they existed until after the ceremony. It was definitely a top moment of the day surprising him with them :)

xo