Diary of a Recovering Nail Picker and Biter

These days I'm all about transparency. Maybe it's part of becoming an adult, but I've become a lot more open and honest about my serious struggle with skin picking and nail biting.

And lets be real, its kinda awkward to talk about it so let's just get it out in the open.

Who really knows when a habit truly begins? I've been biting and picking since I can remember, but it's been getting progressively worse the last couple years and it made me worry.  Made me worry about my health, the way I am perceived, my work...so many things.

It's mostly caused by anxiety. My body fights back when I am stressed or anxious and my easiest way to mentally escape is picking.

I've blogged a couple times about my intentions to quit. Those intentions were good ones, but they didn't include any plan of action.  And truly, I'm not certain any plan of my own would have worked.

What I'm excited to tell you about isn't a cure, but progress. Progress that's super exciting.

Now obviously, Seth has always wanted me to quit and was supportive of anything I tried. So I thought that a good cut off day would be September 7, 2012. It has been my goal to stop by that date, no matter what it took, no matter what crazy measure I had to go to.

In the past few months I've visited forums, websites, tried no-bite nail solution, tried getting manicures, tried sitting on my hands, tried taking deep breaths.....I could go on. But one night, I was sitting watching TV and picking away at something and finally realized that this was beyond me and I needed real help.

So in the beginning of July I started seeing a CBT, or someone that specializes in these kinds of obsessive compulsive sensory disorders.  It sounds crazy right? A therapist for nail biting? When the problem starts affecting your daily life, then you get outside help -- it just makes sense.

So here is what has worked tremendously so far:
1. Bright, BRIGHT nail polish to trick my eyes into paying closer attention to what I'm doing. I pick SO often that I don't even know I'm doing it, and the bright nail polish actually does make me stop more often and see what I'm doing.  I first argued and said that I suck at doing nail polish, but I've gotten better at it and I am enjoying wearing nail polish again.

2. Wearing gloves while I drive, watch movies, sit alone in my room, sit alone practically anywhere -- those are my biggest struggle areas.  This one was the hardest for me to swallow, wearing freakin' winter gloves while I do everyday life. BUT, after the first three days I was totally convinced that it worked.

3. Having a bag of goodies to help me at all times: Neosporin, bandaids, medical tape, lipgloss, nail polish, top coat, and now my cool little stress balls. This bag is constantly in my purse so I have access to it all the time. I can now simultaneously drive and put on a bandaid, watch out.

4. Stress toys. My CBT referred me to this awesomely cheap website called officeplayground.com where they have cheap nonsense toys to play with mindlessly! Most of the time I pick or bite I am alone, bored and tired...so these little toys are perfect for me! I am keeping one in my purse, one at my bedside, and two in my car....just in case.

my personal favorite egg ball

After a month, I am seeing a lot of progress.

Sometimes I get discouraged because I get overwhelmed with anxiety about something and I find myself mindlessly picking.  But progress cannot be overlooked and I am still encouraged.

Dearest friends and family,

Thanks for not being embarrassed when I drive you around or go the movies with you and I have gloves on.  

Thanks for supporting me in recovering from a sometimes life-controlling habit.

You guys rock.

Virtual Coffee: Let's Get Real about Sudan

What is virtual coffee? A chance to catch up on life with bloggy friends that you don't get to see every day. A little dose of real life in the midst of fancy blog posts and DIY projects. Well let's be real, I don't ever get that fancy but you know what I mean.

Funny that I choose to write this post having not had any coffee yet. And if you know me in real life, you know that this rarely happens. I mean, twice a year rarely. It's a rough morning without coffee. Especially when its not on purpose. Wednesday's are my early mornings at work, and by the time I got to the coffee pot it was empty and I had to be at work in 10 minutes. So if we were meeting for coffee in real life, I would tell you that my family needs to buy a bigger coffee pot, stat.

And then I would tell you that I can't wait to pull my new Keurig out of it's box to taste it's sweet variety of delicious coffee, but that I have to wait until we move which makes me sad. 

It won' be long my friend.

Then I would tell you that I got a call that my wedding dress is currently in route to my house. I would probably do my happy dance, and go back to trying to not talk about wedding stuff every time I see you. 

But then I would break my rule and tell you that yesterday I had my makeup run through for the wedding day, and that it was fabulous. I would tell you that Andrea, the makeup artist and friend, is amazing and listens so well. So well that she had our engagement photos out as she was shopping for makeup and then printed out the picture ideas she had. One was of Megan Fox, and when I left the salon, I kid you not I actually felt like Megan Fox. Then I'd make another promise to stop the wedding talk.

 I would tell you that I'm taking the whole month of August off of work so I could properly prepare for the you-know-what. I know, I know, wedding talk...but it was kind of un-related..right?

I would then tell you that this is going to be a fantastic two weeks of life. There is so much going on I don't even know where to start. But my friends from Washington who have never been here for my birthday, will actually be HERE. In the state of California, on my freaking birthday. How rad is that?

 Then we would have to get realer than real and talk about stuff that matters. Much more than the wedding, and coffee, and friends.

I would tell you about Sudan. And you might tune out, but I really hope you don't.  

There are hundreds of thousands of people starving to death in the Nuba mountains. It only costs $.06 per serving to feed them. With how much our coffee just cost, we could feed 67 people breakfast. 

 67 people.

A group of people, passionate about feeding and saving these people from real and spiritual hunger are ready to go. Ready to take immediate action, to mobilize this food, and to take it directly to those who haven't seen food in 8 months. 

The cost to mobilize this food is $25,000

In 5 weeks, the group will send a team of 2 or 3 men, to prepare for an ongoing Gospel centered relief effort in Sudan over the next several years.

People are dying every day. There earthly lives are perishing from lack of food, and there spiritual lives will parish because many of them have not heard the name of Jesus.

$25,000 is NOTHING to us here in the safety and comfort of the 1st world. Heck, I'll probably spend that on coffee over my lifetime.

 Would you consider praying, giving, even going to help relieve the Sudanese people?

You can donate through Hope Church of San Mateo towards raising this $25,000.
We will send it all to the Sudan, moving the food at ground level through a 4 stage well-planned mission. 

Read more about the plan and the mission here: hope4sudan.hopesanmateo.org

We are confident that the Lord will provide this money, the question is...will you be a part of this mission? 

Praying, giving, spreading the word?

Read about the people in the Nuba mountains. Read about the man who is causing all of this; he is far worse than Kony or Stalin. You will be astonished and burdened for these people. 

Samaritans Purse

Besieged in Sudan's Nuba Mountains

Conflict in the Nuba Mountains

So would you pray, give, go? 100% of all donations go directly to food mobilization. 100%

Thanks for staying all the way to the end, friends. Now, go get educated (while I get caffeinated)  about Sudan and find out what you can do today for these people.

"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
    and to walk humbly with your God?"

Micah 6:8