Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Mamalogues - Volume 1

Today was a rare, sweet surprise.
After his 1 year shots, Felix had a really hard time falling asleep in his crib even though he desperately needed a nap.
After 25 minutes of fussing I went into the room and started to rock him to sleep.
Within 1 minute he was out.
I breathed a sigh of relief and I almost screamed of surprise.
Felix hasn't fallen asleep on me in months.

He's just not that kind of dude I guess. Once he was out of the newborn stage where he could fall asleep anywhere, he chose only to fall asleep in the car or crib. No matter how much we tried he would not settle down in our arms.

As I continued to rock, bounce, pat his butt I turned around and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Surely this is not how I wanted to look as my baby turns 1.
How, in one years time, did I not find the time to lose the baby weight?
How, in one years time, have I still not figured out how to do my hair in the morning before we have to go somewhere?
I stopped myself before the negativity went any further, knowing that I could go on for days about my inadequacies and insecurities.

Felix doesn't care about my unkempt hair. It's easier for him to pull on and play with this way.
Felix doesn't care about my extra roll on my belly. It's a warmer and cushier place for him to fall asleep on.
Felix doesn't care about the fact that I never have makeup on. It's better for him because I can't get upset about him messing it up.
He doesn't care about my messy clothes, they smell more like "mama smell" which he loves anyways.

A time will come again when I get to take care of myself a little more, but now is not that time.
And that is OK.
I'm preaching to myself here.
The hair straightener can wait, at least until date night.
Same goes for the mascara.
It's ok to wear yoga pants. It's ok to wear maternity least for a little while longer.
It's OK that I'm not Supermom. It's ok to admit that I can't do it all.
Having myself and my child fully put together, while juggling a small business, a move across state lines, and the rest of lifes craziness is unrealistic.

Its OK.
You are not inadequate.
It's ok if you haven't lost your baby weight.
It's ok if you haven't brushed your teeth in three days.
Rest in the fact that you are doing the best for your baby.
Motherhood is full time self-denial.
And I'm hoping that us Mamas of littles can stick together in that. Support each other in that. And fight on through the trenches of motherhood that are often so deep we can't see the light, but also often so shallow that joy overflows.

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